[Grahame Hutchison]

The Awards Continue .....


The "Cockpit Comedians" Awards

A Comedian Up Front

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGG
Message label: 86 Block id: Msg. no: 2109
Flight id: QF0429
Message content:-
/MEL.
ARI
MEL ETAB 03:15
WH/CH 01 UN/MNR 00
THE SKYS BLUE.
THE CLOUDS ARE WHITE.
SO FAR ALL IS GOIN ALRIGHT.
-------------------------------------[10/04/2009 12:21]

The Crew Speak Good French Already - Le PAX

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGT
Message label: 86 Block id: Msg. no: 4925
Flight id: QF0443
Message content:-
/MEL.
ARI
MEL ETAB 05:40
WH/CH 00 UN/MNR 00
IF ANY GND STAFF SPEAK FRENCH REQ THEM 2 ASSIST WITH 2 LE PAX.
-------------------------------------[03/04/2009 15:49]

Ducks, 12 O'Clock High

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-ZXG
Message label: 86 Block id: 7 Msg. no: M26A
Flight id: QF0502
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 2210YBBN
WHLCHR 00 /00MED
ASST 00MINORS 00PAX
SICK N
SI MORNIN. GOOD WEATHER 4 DUCKS.
-------------------------------------[21/05/2009 07:07]

You Can Always Rely On Mum

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-ZXG
Message label: 86 Block id: 9 Msg. no: M07A
Flight id: QF0504
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 2310YBBN
WHLCHR / MED
ASST MINORS PAX
SICK N
SI GDAY.SORRY WE R LATE.
HAVE NOTE FROM MUM....
C U SOON.
-------------------------------------[27/05/2009 08:08]

Obviously A Dad Joker

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-ZXA
Message label: 86 Block id: 5 Msg. no: M47A
Flight id: QF0504
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 2235YBBN
WHLCHR / MED
ASST MINORS PAX
SICK N
SI HOWDY DOODY
-------------------------------------[30/07/2009 07:44]

Not Running Is Not Good

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-OGV
Message label: 86 Block id: 0 Msg. no: M31A
Flight id: QF0141
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 0015NZAA
WHLCHR / MED
ASST MINORS PAX
SICK N
SI GDAY. WE R RUNNING LATE BUT WE R RUNNING
-------------------------------------[27/02/2009 08:47]

Lucky It Wasn't A Little Fokker

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-ZXA
Message label: 86 Block id: 5 Msg. no: M06A
Flight id: QF0551
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 0924YSSY
WHLCHR / MED
ASST MINORS PAX
SICK N
SI GDAY AGAIN.WE ARE DOING THE 556. WHAT A/C AND
WHERE WILL WE FIND DE LITTLE SUCKER
-------------------------------------[27/02/2009 19:50]

Holy Passenger

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGL
Message label: 86 Block id: Msg. no: 3532
Flight id: QF0447
Message content:-
/MEL.
ARI
MEL ETAB 06:27
WH/CH 00 UN/MNR 00
HI... RQST THE POPE MOBILE. THANKS..
-------------------------------------[05/03/2009 16:35]


Good Kharma

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-VXE
Message label: 86 Block id: 6 Msg. no: M94A
Flight id: QF0747
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 0323YPAD
WHLCHR 01 /00MED
ASST MINORS PAX
SICK N
SI MY BAD. FORGOT 1 W/C IT IS IN THE FWD HOLD
IF IT CAN BE BROUGHT UP YOU GET KHARMA CREDIT
-------------------------------------[10/08/2009 12:02]

The Alien From Oz

ACARS mode: [ Aircraft reg: .VH-Rego Withheld
Message label: 86 Block id: 4 Msg. no: M60A
Flight id: QF Flight No Withheld
Message content:-
ARI
WHLCHR 01 /00MED
ASST 00MINORS 00PAX
SICK N
SI GREETINGS EARTHLINGS.
W/C PUNTER CAN STAGGER TO DOOR. W/C IS IN LCKR U/NEATH.
SEE YEZ SOON...
-------------------------------------[11/08/2009 10:00]

A Crew With Their Priotities Right

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGF
Message label: 86 Block id: Msg. no: 3216
Flight id: QF0536
Message content:-
/BNE.
ARI
BNE ETAB 07:30
WH/CH 02 UN/MNR 00
JUST THE WHEELIES PLEASE... AND A COLD BEER IN THE FRIDGE. TA
-------------------------------------[22/08/2009 16:32]

Which Window Were They Looking Out

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-VXC
Message label: 86 Block id: 4 Msg. no: M63A
Flight id: QF0739
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 2310YPAD
WHLCHR 02 / MED
ASST MINORS PAX
SICK N
SI WX LOOKS GOOD 4 A BEER IN A GARDEN
-------------------------------------[27/10/2009 08:42]

How Do You Open The Boot On A B767?


ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGN
Message label: 86 Block id: Msg. no: 0043
Flight id: QF0421
Message content:-
/MEL.
ARI
MEL ETAB 23:55
WH/CH 01 UN/MNR 00
HI. 1 AILSE CHR PLS. HIS CHAIR FROM THE BOOT IF POSS. CHEERS.
-------------------------------------[27/03/2009 10:00]

I Think That's A No

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGR
Message label: 86 Block id: Msg. no: 2348
Flight id: QF0431
Message content:-
/MEL.
ARI
MEL ETAB 03:25
WH/CH 00 UN/MNR 00
DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT...
-------------------------------------[10/06/2009 12:23]

The "Best Delayed Departure Excuse" Award

So Is That 4 Bags Off Loaded - Hope They Don't Get A Refund

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-VGZ
Message label: 1L Block id: 6 Msg. no: M30A
Flight id: JQ0475
Message content:-
JQ475 DC2244/TC22504 LATE NTCD 2 PAX OFFLOAD WITH BAGS FEMALE PAX DECIDED NOT TO TRAVEL AFTER BOARDING
-------------------------------------[12/08/2009 09:16]

The "Kenny" Awards

Put In A Call To Kenny

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGO
Message label: 86 Block id: Msg. no: 5409
Flight id: QF0540
Message content:-
/BNE.
ARI
BNE ETAB 08:40
WH/CH 00 UN/MNR 00
HI. BE ADV FOR NEXT SECTOR 3 TOILETS U/S. ADV PAX ON GND PERHAPS
-------------------------------------[18/09/2009 17:54]

Way Too Much Information

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .ZK-NGG
Message label: 86 Block id: 9 Msg. no: M27A
Flight id: NZ0719
Message content:-
3D01 ARRINF 0719/06 NZAA/YSSY .ZK-NGG
/WCHR /UMNR /MAAS N
HI AGAIN COULD WE PLESE HAVE THE FORWARD LAV DUMPED PLEASE CHEERS
-------------------------------------[06/07/2009 14:26]

Not The Dunny Door Excuse

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-VWW
Message label: 1L Block id: 6 Msg. no: M58A
Flight id: JQ0414
Message content:-
JQ414 DC0441 TC0448NTCD28 MIN5 MIN 894 5 MIN 430 UNABLE TO SHUT TOILET DOORS+ FWD DOOR ONLY + OVERSIZE BAGS AT GATE
-------------------------------------[04/08/2009 15:18]

Never Have A Leak In The RHS Sliding Window

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-JQX
Message label: 1L Block id: 7 Msg. no: M97A
Flight id: JQ0625
Message content:-
JQ625 DC0749 TC0752 UTC.7 MINS DUE 650-ATTEMPT TO ISOLATE LEAK IN RHS SLIDING WINDOW.
-------------------------------------[23/01/2009 19:23]

Pass

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .N174UA
Message label: 5Z Block id: 2 Msg. no: M01A
Flight id: UA0839
Message content:-
/71 LAXSYD 0\14 AB NEEDS TO BE CLEANED. CHILD VOMIT...
-------------------------------------[06/12/2009 07:08]

What Next

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .9V-SVO
Message label: H1 Block id: 4 Msg. no: 001A
Flight id: SQ0281
Message content:-
#T0B/AKLWRNZ AKLKKSQ.CABIN/
IFS DEFECTS
33G NO ACCESS TO INT.
37A SEAT BADLY SOILED WITH URINE.
-------------------------------------[10/12/2009 18:54]

Not My Idea Of A Fun Job

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .9V-SWL
Message label: H1 Block id: 0 Msg. no: 002A
Flight id: SQ0285
Message content:-
#T0B/SINEESQ SINERSQ SINETSQ.CABIN DEFECT
1. EYCL LAVATORY 4F-1L SINK CHOKED WITH VOMIT US.
2. JCL LAVATORY 2A-1L TAP SENSOR U/S. CANNOT DISPENSE WATER.
3. JCL SEAT 18K DRINK HOLDER MISSING.
4. EYCL FWD GALLE
-------------------------------------[03/07/2009 05:45]

A Business Chunder

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-OGV
Message label: 86 Block id: 1 Msg. no: M34A
Flight id: QF0532
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 0525YBBN
WHLCHR 00 /00MED
ASST 00MINORS PAX
SICK N
SI 1 BUSINESS CLASS SEAT WILL NEED NEW COVER AND CUSHION DUE SICK CHILD.
-------------------------------------[18/10/2009 15:35]

The "Kiwi" Awards

"HI DE HI" Kiwi For G'day

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .ZK-OJA
Message label: 14 Block id: 5 Msg. no: M07A
Flight id: NZ0821
Message content:-
--AIR02NZAAYPAD234502000000NNN
L1
L2
----------
HI DE HI
ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL
-------------------------------------[19/10/2009 08:59]

We Need A Kiwi Translator

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .ZK-OJA
Message label: 87 Block id: 1 Msg. no: M18A
Flight id: NZ0700
Message content:-
ENGW
0100YSSYNZAA
HI CUD U PLSE CONFIRM WHAT THE TRIP NO SHUD B PLSE. THANKS
-------------------------------------[21/10/2009 09:53]

Kiwis Saving On Fuel Again ?

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .ZK-OJE
Message label: 87 Block id: 2 Msg. no: M20A
Flight id: NZ0703
Message content:-
/AKL15NZ AKLDUNZ.-------
0100NZAAYSSY
HI GORDY. PEDALLING FAST. WILL BE ON THE GROUND IN 20 SO WILL LET YOU KNOW. GD
-------------------------------------[03/10/2009 09:32]

NZ$6000 Is Only $1.50 Australian

ACARS mode: 2 Aircraft reg: .VH-OGO
Message label: 87 Block id: Msg. no: 2914
Flight id: QF0044
Message content:-
/SYDKOQF. CAN U CONTACT QF AKL. A PAX LOST
6000 DOLLARS IN TERMIAL. HAS IT BEEN FOUND.
THXS
-------------------------------------[09/06/2009 18:56]

Obviously A Kiwi !

ACARS mode: S Aircraft reg: .VH-VXD
Message label: 86 Block id: 1 Msg. no: M81A
Flight id: QF0526
Message content:-
ARI
ETAB 0300YBBN
WHLCHR 00 /00MED
ASST 00MINORS 00PAX
SICK N
SI GREETINGS
GOOD JEET
-------------------------------------[27/03/2009 13:03]